...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
