someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
