escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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