i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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