Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
