He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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