you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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