i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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