i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
