I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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