The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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