Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
