If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
