Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
