ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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