So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
