i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
