You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
...so i touched it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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