Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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