Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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