i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
