no, he came in my armpit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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