How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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