Sponge bath it is.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
