My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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