You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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