the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
