And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize