I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
