my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
