I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
