If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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