i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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