She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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