I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
