gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
