The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
