If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
