bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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