ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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