I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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