Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
