i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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