Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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