I feel like I'm in dance class right now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
