I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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