How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
