I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
