everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
