somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
