I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
