it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
