Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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