worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize