I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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