I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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