he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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