You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
