My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
