Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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