i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am one with the molecules
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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