How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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