Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
