guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
whose parrot is this?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
