If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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