Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
