I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how does that bad decision feel?
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