I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
