My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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