Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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