Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
