I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
