Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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