is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
